Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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