he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
