do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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