I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i came on her dog
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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