Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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