I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
