I could make wine with my vomit
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
