69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
