College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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