Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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