If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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