um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
