Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
