it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
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watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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