bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
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Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
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i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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