Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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