I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
