I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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