I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
