my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
