I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
