I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
