What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
