I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
