he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
