Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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