how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
