definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
