I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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