u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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