Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
