omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
