Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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