Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
