pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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