My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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