Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
