he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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