i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
