What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
