they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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