you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize