I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
