Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
