i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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