just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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