In the future we'll all be gay
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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