He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
