508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
