I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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