I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
