I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
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