if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
