I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
