I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
50% drunk capacity currently
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
