summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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