I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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