My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
