why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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