Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
