Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
