i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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