We're like a lot better than the average bears
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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