you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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