im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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