Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
