@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
