you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
