I wish my penis had an off switch
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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