so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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